Peer review? 500 word essay/memoir intro

[Rey Katz]

Hi friends,

I was wondering if anyone would be up for reading and giving feedback on an essay about being harassed in a bathroom as a gender non-conforming person? Amanda has edited this piece in the class, and this is a revision. Any kind of feedback is welcome – it does not need to be positive. Thank you so much!

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“Hello? Are you a male or female?” a deeply concerned voice rumbled into the women’s bathroom where I sat in the first stall with my pants down, my hiking boots visible from the door. A man stomped over the threshold. I froze, terrified, embarrassed, and unsure what he might do to me next. He didn’t identify himself as a janitor or city park employee. The mother with kids who just left had probably asked him to remove “the man.” Shit.

No one else was within earshot. Gazebos and a frisbee golf course among huge Jeffrey pines separated me from my partner sipping his coffee. We were visiting a vacation destination for wealthy families near Lake Tahoe, North America’s largest alpine lake. I loved swimming in the fresh blue water, floating among mergansers diving for fish. I was grateful for the opportunity to experience the natural beauty of the Tahoe Basin and the Eastern Sierras. As we were camping in a van, I often needed to use public restrooms.

I felt nauseated, like squirrels skittering around tree trunks were in my stomach. No one had ever questioned my right to use the women’s restroom before. As a short, skinny, white, non-binary 34-year-old, I was accustomed to people assuming I’m a woman. But I had cut my wavy chestnut hair short recently, and wore a beanie hat, a unisex fleece jacket, and men’s pants.

California law doesn’t restrict the respectful use of any bathroom, regardless of gender. But many conservatives live there: Rich families in Orange County, tech execs from Silicon Valley, and cattle ranchers with “Farmers for Trump” banners visible from the freeway.

I guess I passed enough as male that day to draw attention. Trans people are more than four times more likely than non-trans people to experience violent victimization. Would this stranger go as far as to peer into the stall or bust the flimsy door? Did he intend to confirm I had a vulva between my legs? Did he realize what a horrible violation he threatened by stepping into the women’s room as a man?

“H-Hello?” I replied, voice high, tense, creaking. My tone betrayed, identified, saved me in just two syllables.

“Oh, you’re a female. My bad,” the self-appointed potty policeman said, and walked away, heavy boots clunking.

This man’s gender norms were imposed by settlers. Tahoe is the ancestral home of the Washoe people, who were wary of yet hospitable to Europeans. Indigenous scouts found the Donner party trapped by snow 13 miles northwest of Lake Tahoe. But when they offered food, the starving white families shot at them, killing a man. While Native people have gendered traditions, our binary system is a colonial invention to control people, including women, Indigenous, and gender-expansive folks.

We can defend ourselves against individuals, but combating a whole culture is harder. As a martial artist, I’ve trained in karate and aikido for most of my life. But I had no fight in me then, sitting on a dirty toilet seat, a mosquito buzzing, pants around my ankles, feeling like I might pass out, hands shaking while unrolling toilet paper so I could flee.

Fear sank into my bones, cold as the approaching winter snow. A lifetime of self-defense training, and I still felt helpless against a man wielding the gender binary.

[Josephine Wong]

Hi Rey, I really admire how vulnerable, sharp, and emotionally honest this piece is. Your opening scene had me instantly locked in, the tension is so visceral that I physically felt myself freeze with you.

I loved the details.
“A mosquito buzzing, pants around my ankles”— such a perfect combination of humiliation and fear. “Did he intend to confirm I had a vulva between my legs?”— So unsettling! (in the best way)
The martial arts callback at the end — really added the emotional gut punch.

The opening tension is so strong that when we move into the Tahoe setting description, my adrenaline was still spiking and I almost wanted to stay in that breathless, trapped feeling a bit longer before zooming out.

The paragraph about colonial gender norms is really powerful “This man’s gender norms were imposed by settlers” is such a sharp insight. The only reason it bumped me a little is because the emotional tension in the bathroom scene is so high, and zooming out into a fuller history of the Washoe people and settlers momentarily pulled me out of that urgency.

I totally see why you included it, the connection is meaningful. I just wondered if you could transition into it in a way that feels even more grounded in what you’re experiencing in the stall (like how fear sometimes sends your mind spinning to bigger systems, or how this moment crystallized that history for you). That way the context reinforces the scene without slowing the momentum.

What a powerful piece. So excited to see where you take it!

[Author]

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